Thursday, July 22, 2010

Surgery and lethergy

So today and if I'm honest for the past few weeks I have felt...BLAH.  Yep.  Blah..don't feel like doing much, just hanging at home and watching some cool shows on TV.  Although I do look forward to my weekly trip to Cripple Creek that will be over soon when I no longer have to take Ryan back to camp.  I suppose I could drive up just to gamble but...nah.. I probably won't.  Sleep is still a major issue with me.  I am still sleeping from the wee hours of the morning until early afternoon.  3 or 4 am until noon.  It sucks.  If I get up any earlier then I'm so tired that I can't even drive or move unless I get a nap in the afternoon.  A horrible cycle.  Nothing seems to work.  The best thing is Melatonin but it takes a while to kick in and then makes me groggy the next day.  I'm thinking of trying it at 8pm and then we shall see if it works by midnight.  I know this is where the lethargy is coming from.  I feel like my whole day is wasted and I don't really get going until like 3 or 4pm..  Of course my kids are teens and are just like me.  They sleep the same hours as I do.  I need to get things done and I of course have been putting them off.  I need to register my car, need to drive Jeff's truck, need to get myself a loan for next semester and clean my house.  This house is only surface clean.  I do the basics.  But the rest?  Nope haven't felt like it.  I keep up on dishes, vacuuming, cleaning the kitchen and baths, laundry when I have to but as for really scrubbing and dusting?  Nope I really haven't done it.  I WANT to, I just don't want to know what I mean??  I haven't made the boys clean their rooms and the basement.  I don't feel like the argument really.  But yes it really does bother me.  Being this...and I know it looks like lazy, but it doesn't feel like lazy it feels like ..tired.  Being this worn out just wears me out.  I have no excitement for the coming semester, no joy at all.  I dread it.  It is hard to put into words the way I feel.  I don't think that it is depression even though on the surface I know it sounds that way.  I just miss and want my husband back...ok where did THAT come from?  It just came sneaking up on me! But I am sure this too shall pass.  It will.  When summer ends and school begins I will HAVE to get up and get going.  No choice about it.
So now I get to talk about the big October trip that I was so excited about isn't happening now.  Jeff is going to a Commanders Conference during the exact same time.  BUT the cool/lucky thing is that the Conference is at the base here!!! SO... yay.    I was really looking forward to it, but I will try to go in the Spring.  It will be better anyway since Jeff will come home for 3 weeks in December and not home for good until June, so March will be a perfect break in the middle of the last 6 months.
I also just got a surgery date today!!! August 3!  That is in less than 2 weeks!  I have no much to do!  Now I'm very nervous about it but I DO want to do it, I'm just scared.  But the ball is rolling and who knows?  By October when Jeff gets back for a few days I could look different than when he left!

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