So today and if I'm honest for the past few weeks I have felt...BLAH. Yep. Blah..don't feel like doing much, just hanging at home and watching some cool shows on TV. Although I do look forward to my weekly trip to Cripple Creek that will be over soon when I no longer have to take Ryan back to camp. I suppose I could drive up just to gamble but...nah.. I probably won't. Sleep is still a major issue with me. I am still sleeping from the wee hours of the morning until early afternoon. 3 or 4 am until noon. It sucks. If I get up any earlier then I'm so tired that I can't even drive or move unless I get a nap in the afternoon. A horrible cycle. Nothing seems to work. The best thing is Melatonin but it takes a while to kick in and then makes me groggy the next day. I'm thinking of trying it at 8pm and then we shall see if it works by midnight. I know this is where the lethargy is coming from. I feel like my whole day is wasted and I don't really get going until like 3 or 4pm.. Of course my kids are teens and are just like me. They sleep the same hours as I do. I need to get things done and I of course have been putting them off. I need to register my car, need to drive Jeff's truck, need to get myself a loan for next semester and clean my house. This house is only surface clean. I do the basics. But the rest? Nope haven't felt like it. I keep up on dishes, vacuuming, cleaning the kitchen and baths, laundry when I have to but as for really scrubbing and dusting? Nope I really haven't done it. I WANT to, I just don't want to know what I mean?? I haven't made the boys clean their rooms and the basement. I don't feel like the argument really. But yes it really does bother me. Being this...and I know it looks like lazy, but it doesn't feel like lazy it feels like ..tired. Being this worn out just wears me out. I have no excitement for the coming semester, no joy at all. I dread it. It is hard to put into words the way I feel. I don't think that it is depression even though on the surface I know it sounds that way. I just miss and want my husband back...ok where did THAT come from? It just came sneaking up on me! But I am sure this too shall pass. It will. When summer ends and school begins I will HAVE to get up and get going. No choice about it.
So now I get to talk about the big October trip that I was so excited about isn't happening now. Jeff is going to a Commanders Conference during the exact same time. BUT the cool/lucky thing is that the Conference is at the base here!!! SO... yay. I was really looking forward to it, but I will try to go in the Spring. It will be better anyway since Jeff will come home for 3 weeks in December and not home for good until June, so March will be a perfect break in the middle of the last 6 months.
I also just got a surgery date today!!! August 3! That is in less than 2 weeks! I have no much to do! Now I'm very nervous about it but I DO want to do it, I'm just scared. But the ball is rolling and who knows? By October when Jeff gets back for a few days I could look different than when he left!