Thursday, May 27, 2010
I am beyond excited as I write this. In a few hours (it happens to be 3:30 am) I will be on a plane to Las Vegas with my youngest son to meet Jeff and spend until Friday there in Vegas, then we will all drive back home with Jeff in his truck. Just to hang out with him after not seeing him for so long..I am looking forward to even the drive from Vegas to Colorado. I just can't sleep now.
Today was the last day of school for my middle school kids and I am sooo glad! My high schooler has 1 more day. After that...no more getting up early!! Oh yes, I am NOT a morning person. Nope. Can't do it. My body screams and won't obey my will to get out of bed. On the other hand as it is nearly 4am.. I AM a night owl. Sooo I can sleep in and of course all of my kiddos are night owls as well. It works for us.
Of course the down side of the trip is this:...Jeff leaves for Thule on June 2. Yep, that is correct, he doesn't even get a week with us before he leaves for a year. I want to scream and throw things when I think about it. But I guess all I can do is focus on the fact that I DO get to see him for 5 nights before he leaves and make the most of it. I am also bummed that I will miss his change of command. I really wish I could see it. But..I wish isn't getting me anywhere, so I just have to focus on the future and live life day to day and enjoy the life I have!!
---But I sure do love my husband! Can't wait to see him!!!!
Saturday, May 22, 2010
5 more days and then I will see my husband! Josh and I are flying to Vegas on the day his class is over and meeting him there. We are staying in our timeshare so there is no cost for hotel, and ...separate bedrooms!! Yep. Use your imagination for that one.
I am sooo excited to see him again. But the sad part is that he leaves for Thule 5 days later. June 2. Such a bummer that he has to leave again so soon. Sigh..oh well can't change it.
My oldest son was Confirmed last Sunday. This a big deal in the Catholic Church and we are proud of him. He didn't really want to go through the classes, but he did and the moment arrived and I think he looks pretty good all cleaned up!
As for my other children, my youngest turned 13...How on earth could THAT be possible! I have 3 teenagers. All of them. So crazy how fast life goes sometimes isn't it?
My daughter is having a tougher time, she is having an ongoing disagreement with one of her best friends and it just breaks my heart that she is going through it.
I am feeling much better and looking forward to meeting with my surgeon, but can't get in until JUNE 30! That is so far away! I hate that he is taking leave! ( I know, it is selfish of me but, like the man can't take a vacation when I need him!!) So as for timing of the surgery, I have no idea now. I can only hope to get in right after the 30th.. I hope right in the first part of July, don't want to wait until August with school starting.
Well I'm off to enjoy the rest of this sunny (FINALLY) day and relax!!
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Ah... the gift of a few meds! Zoloft is now my friend, and you know what? I feel better. How weird. I really do..the anxiety has gone way down. Now I just miss him. But I'm not calling him telling him I can't do this...Sheesh! What a whiner I was. But it wasn't really me I don't think, it was the anxiety talking. I'm back!! :)
It is the last day of the semester for me. I am now the not-so-proud owner of 2..C's.
Yep. I'm so disgusted with myself for that. But I was so behind that I just couldn't finish the final paper in 1 class, and 3 smaller papers in the other. No idea on what this does to my GPA. It WAS around 3.7.. and I know I just tanked it. I guess I will have to take the stupid classes again, already have the books. I just don't want to pay again damn it!!GRRRRRR!!
I just also finished the last of the pre- stuff I have to do to get my surgery. I now have to just..wait. I wait for them to call and say they got my stuff all checked off. I REALLY REALLY want this done in June or July. June would be best..so I could have enough time to recover.
I have 3 cats that I adore. I am a TOTAL cat person. Well they have decided that since Jeff's side of the bed appears to be vacant that they will now sleep there. All of them. I took a picture the other night, found it kind of cute. My kitten (who has grown as you can see) and my older cat are just BFF and it is so cute so enjoy!
Also.. check out my flowers Jeff sent for Mother's Day!!
Thursday, May 6, 2010
I am a big freakin' baby. I just spent an hour of my morning bawling my eyes out. What good did this do me you ask? Nothing. Not a thing except to make me feel even sadder, and even more tired. Spouses do this every day, and they are fine, they manage everything like super woman. So what is wrong with me??? Why can't I get it together? I feel so unfocused and lonely. I miss him so much it hurts. It has been nearly 3 weeks since he left and you'd think that I could handle thing by now, or have a routine that takes over...but I still feel so adrift and lost.
I am completely sure that everyone is sick of me..I'm sick of myself frankly. This can't go on, it just can't. But when? When will the loneliness go away? When will I be used to sleeping alone? And when will this crushing pain from being separated from my best friend leave?? When?
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Still with me? Ok, you were warned.. I am feeling EXTREMELY SORRY FOR MYSELF.
It has just been a pretty awful day. I can't seem to sleep without my husband.
It. Is. Driving. Me. Crazy.! I'm so tired that the bags under my eyes have bags. I woke up my oldest today and THOUGHT he got up. I then went back to bed for what I thought was an hour until 7, but it turned out to be ..um 10am..yep great parenting! So I get the younger ones up and we head downstairs to find that the alarm is still on and deadbolt locked..so Ryan didn't get up either..FABULOUS!!!
I then find out that somehow we owe the dentist because it would seem that we had more than 2 cleanings this year..um what? It appears that we were like a day or two early and now I owe about $400. SUPER. Let me pull that out of thin air...
And I'm just plain missing my husband. I miss him so much that I have teared up and cried today on and off. What a baby, I know. Even he is sick of me being so down. I'm usually a happy person, so this "Debbie Downer" (Saturday Night Live anyone?) is not who I usually am. This weird weather isn't helping either, snow again on Sunday and then 80 yesterday. Colorado is a weird place in Spring.
My daughter will be graduating from 8th grade this month, (nice that my husband leaves the year she starts high school)and we went dress shopping. Dress #1 she really wanted however I thought...nope too old for you..so went with the one with the straps. What do you all think? Am I old fashioned? She did look nice in the strapless one, but I just don't think I'm ready for that yet!!!