Sunday, April 4, 2010

.And so it begins..

So J. leaves for California in 2 weeks. 2 months there, 2 days home and then a YEAR in Greenland. I just can't seem to get myself together for this. I know lots and lots of military spouse deal and cope and are so strong, but I feel so weak. My man is great.. he takes care of me. He does the bills, the yard, the cars, everything. I take care of the house and kids. But now it's all me baby! Yikes! I'm scared. Yep. Scared out of my mind. I also just can't imagine life without him. He is my best friend, really, we met when I was 13 and he was 15 and have been married for almost 17 years. I love him. He is just the best man. Today isn't so bad, I am doing just fine. But for the last month on and off, I have been having panic attacks that just aren't pretty. I feel my heart race and I just want to cry. It happens in the morning and in the evening. I feel like a loser for not being able to just "deal" as someone told me to do. Like I would say "oh deal! yes, I hadn't thought of that"... crazy.

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